I'm happier than I've ever been.

Yesterday, I went to the wedding of a friend of mine, and during the ceremony, all I could think about was my own wedding. It's been almost a year since I got married, and I don't know if I'll ever really understand how that entire time of my life came to be. I do know, however, that meeting Anna was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

When we got home, we sat on our front porch for about an hour talking about what we seem to always talk about these days - food and our lifestyle. As those close to us are aware, at the beginning of the year, I decided to completely change my lifestyle, and I guess Anna agreed with most of what I had decided for myself because she has been right beside me through every change that I have made. Her support alone has driven me to change myself much more than I had even thought I could.

What I'm trying to say is that I am very happy with my life right now. I think that I am on the right track, and at the end of the day that is incredibly satisfying.

And I say that to say this: I never realized how deep the hurt in our lives runs. I have always known that I am moody and I have a short temper, but I never really understood why. I think that some of it might be genetic, but I really believe that most of my anger and frustration is due to the way that I deal with the pain in my life.

In March, I lost my job. It was upsetting, but I absolutely hated that job and I figured I had it coming. But the thing that I can't seem to overcome is the way that I was treated. Every time that I drive by my former employer, I remember how I felt every day that I went there, and it still hurts. It has been two months since I left that place, and I still can't seem to overcome that hurt. But the really horrible thing is that I have allowed the hurt that I felt there control me in the way that I deal with certain people.

The biggest problem that I deal with is feeling inadequate and feeling the need to constantly prove myself. I've made strides, but I'm still not there. I will be there one day though.

I say all of that to say this: I've never been happier. I know I said that to begin with, but I feel the need to reiterate that fact. I am absolutely in love with my life. The good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly, I love it all. And that is a much bigger change than I could have ever imagined.