A Way To Survive

I wrote this today, so I still like it for now.

A Way To Survive

On a sunny day, he stares up at the sky,
And he could kill himself for never asking why.
And in these desperate times, people change their ways again,
But where he once had faith, now all he has are questions.

If the world was a poem, he would have been the pause,
In the sweet unwritten sonnet being spoken through the halls
of a house where love has found a way,
A way to survive.

He hears the experts on the radio saying man ain't got no soul,
It's just another thing the Greeks made up to make us feel,
a little less alone.
"Well if that's true," he said, "why the hell am I even here?"
"And to add to that, why is there order in the chaos?
Why is there hope in the fear?"

If the world was a poem, he would have been the pause,
In the sweet unwritten sonnet being spoken through the halls
of a house where love has found a way,
A way to survive.

He keeps a journal in his pocket, and he writes in it every day.
About the things that bring him joy, and everything that brings him pain.
"There is one thing that I know for sure," he wrote in it one time,
"It takes a whole lot more than breathing in and out to be alive."

If the whole world was a poem, he would have been the pause,
In the sweet unwritten sonnet being spoken through the halls
of a house where love has found a way,
A way to survive.

History, Marry Me.

I'm posting the lyrics to two songs tonight. I'm so looking forward to being able to record that I've been going through songs trying to figure out what is good enough to actually spend time on. "History" is a few years old and I wrote "Marry Me" within the past few months. I think they have both made the short list:

History

Baby, I've been searching for a way,
To tell you how I love you.
The words that roll off my tongue,
Will never do, no they'll never do.
And if I had vocabulary skills,
I would still be unable to express,
The way I felt the day that you left.

So when are you gonna come back around?
When will your flame burn out?
Oh baby, I'm not the same without you here.
The time goes by without a sound,
Baby, I'm lost and found,
by the ones who took me far away from you.

Now with all my passions,
I've watched my bridges burn.
They're of no concern to me.
And now that I sit here alone,
I guess I'll carry on, forgetting my responsibilities.
My world is shrinking day by day,
Oh, but that's how I pay,
For my failures in this social tapestry.

I watch the sun fall behind the trees.
Today is history, like you and me.


Marry Me

I wish that you would come back home.
I'm tired of being all alone.
Get on that plane and make it known,
That you're coming home to me,
Oh baby, won't you please.

I am a wreck when you're away.
So darling, please say you will stay.
I don't know any other way,
To get on with my life,
But to have you as my wife.

We don't have much,
But what we got is good.
I'll hold and protect you,
Just like a husband should.
If you will marry me,
We could start a family.

I don't know what the future holds.
Or what I'll be like when I grow old.
But in the winter when it's cold,
We could sit beside the fire,
And go to bed when we get tired.

We don't need much,
Cause what we got is good.
You'll love and support me,
Just like a good wife should.
Through the good times and the bad,
When love is all we have,
We'll see it's all we really need,
To start a family.

Birds

New song.

Birds

When you walk into the room, my mind is nothing but confused.
My body speech is slurred and stuttered, my nerves overtake my brain.
I’m searching for an out, any way to get out of the world I’m living in.

If there’s any way that you could make it easier for me,
To go outside and see the sun, I would be forever grateful.
I would write you in a song and I would sing it all day long,
until the birds in the trees all learned the melody.

I’m searching for the answers in the books that have no meaning,
I want to know if love is true or false or is it somewhere in between?
The life I’ve made for me is changeable for the time being,
But this is only how I feel.

I’m wondering out loud again about my past and all my friends,
And how I never let them be the friends I wanted them to be.
Inside my heart I’m all alone, and it’s a cold and dark place to be left all alone.

Who Has Your Ear?

I've been writing some music for quite a while now, and I've decided to start posting lyrics to this blog to create an archive and also to maybe get a little feedback. I just wrote this:

Who Has Your Ear?

If the rocks in the desert all call your name
Do you ever take the time to hear what they say?
When the rain falls down and the dams give way
And the water fills the house, can you hear the people pray?

Did you cut the rivers through the mountains
Or did they do that on their own?
Has the grass ever grown tall in the canyons
Or were they always made of stone?

Does the man with the money have your ear instead
Of the man in the alley with liquor on his breath?
When you walked on the water, did your feet get wet?
And when no one else could do it, did it go to your head?

Did you grow every forest from a seed
Or did they do that on their own?
Is there a difference in a flower and a weed?
Will we miss beauty when it's gone?

Did the cold winds blow when the world was new?
When the first men walked in the morning dew.
And if you look down on the rest of us,
Do you really care what we think of you?

Indoor Work

I've been trying very hard to get work done outside this week, but honestly, it's been so hot that I can't seem to stay outside for more than maybe an hour. I'm remodeling a house and the drywall is being finished this week, so I can't do anything in the house. I want to get the outside of the house cleaned up, but it's so nasty outside I can't stay there for long. Being stung by yellow jackets doesn't help the cause either. That sucks.

So I'm looking for indoor work for a little while. At the very least I'm writing a silly blog, right? I don't really have much to say except it's hot outside and I don't want to be out there.

I'm trying to write some music. Anna and I went to Opelika last weekend and I shared some of my songs with two of my best friends and I was very encouraged. I need encouragement pretty often. It's inspirational to me. It keeps me moving forward. My goal is to start performing by myself some time soon and maybe record a few demos. I miss playing. It's kind of scary to think about being the only person on the stage though. But it's good. I'm trying to become less self-conscious and more confident and self-aware.

I'm really going to try to write more. I like putting my thoughts out in the open, even if what's on my mind isn't very important. At the very least it helps me clear my mind a little...

I'm happier than I've ever been.

Yesterday, I went to the wedding of a friend of mine, and during the ceremony, all I could think about was my own wedding. It's been almost a year since I got married, and I don't know if I'll ever really understand how that entire time of my life came to be. I do know, however, that meeting Anna was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

When we got home, we sat on our front porch for about an hour talking about what we seem to always talk about these days - food and our lifestyle. As those close to us are aware, at the beginning of the year, I decided to completely change my lifestyle, and I guess Anna agreed with most of what I had decided for myself because she has been right beside me through every change that I have made. Her support alone has driven me to change myself much more than I had even thought I could.

What I'm trying to say is that I am very happy with my life right now. I think that I am on the right track, and at the end of the day that is incredibly satisfying.

And I say that to say this: I never realized how deep the hurt in our lives runs. I have always known that I am moody and I have a short temper, but I never really understood why. I think that some of it might be genetic, but I really believe that most of my anger and frustration is due to the way that I deal with the pain in my life.

In March, I lost my job. It was upsetting, but I absolutely hated that job and I figured I had it coming. But the thing that I can't seem to overcome is the way that I was treated. Every time that I drive by my former employer, I remember how I felt every day that I went there, and it still hurts. It has been two months since I left that place, and I still can't seem to overcome that hurt. But the really horrible thing is that I have allowed the hurt that I felt there control me in the way that I deal with certain people.

The biggest problem that I deal with is feeling inadequate and feeling the need to constantly prove myself. I've made strides, but I'm still not there. I will be there one day though.

I say all of that to say this: I've never been happier. I know I said that to begin with, but I feel the need to reiterate that fact. I am absolutely in love with my life. The good, the bad, the pretty, and the ugly, I love it all. And that is a much bigger change than I could have ever imagined.